Monthly archives: October 2009

Sex with a zombie

Sex with these dead people, without a lot of alcohol or drugs like X, would ultimately lead to them dissociating (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_disorder) and/or ‘getting in the head’, thinking too much about the act and the passion would die. The reason that they all had this very common problem was that they had all been molested at some point and because I am a man, they were women.

I was molested but only emotionally as my mom turned me into a surrogate husband (very common in alcoholic families.) She made me her buddy, her confidant and it felt like a relationship. She never touched me sex-wise (well, there were some slow dances that creeped me out…) but this relationship at such a young age set me on my path of manifesting, bringing into my life, immature women with no healthy boundaries.

My life has been filled with finding these emotionally stunted women so that I can take care of them like I did with my mom. And I know these women very clearly now. Some were alcoholics, drug addicts, one was an over eater/purger. My point is that they all needed saving and because they were ‘messed up’ they all had the attribute of dissociating during sex. At some point between 1-16 , they were molested in some way.

Children commonly use dissociation to protect them from horrible moments in their life. It’s this dissociation I saw in all of these injured eyes that I loved. It’s dissociation that helps someone forget how to feel their body, it’s this type of dissociation during a sexual moment that makes it impossible for some people to feel their feelings, their emotions and ultimately the body itself. Dissociation makes an orgasm a foreign idea.

I recognize my own dissociation when all of a sudden my mind is racing away from the moment, from the Now, obsessing over some train of thought and seemingly not in the room with whatever action is going on – like sex. In therapy, when I would approach terrifying subjects, I would dissociate and my therapist would whisper “Drew, where are you? Where did you go?” and as I got better I could battle to remain present.

I always hesitate to call women ‘frigid’ for it is rarely a decent enough word to encompass the truth of what is really going on with the other person. There is so much raw emotion usually around relationships that this word so easily missed. And for the record, guys that dissociate often have the opposite of ‘no orgasm’: premature ejaculation.

Posted in Adult Children, Zombie Life, Zombie Philosophy | Comments Off on Sex with a zombie

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