Archive for August, 2006

Mastery and low level buzz-

–noun, plural
1. command or grasp, as of a subject: a mastery of Italian.
2. superiority or victory: mastery over one’s enemies.
3. the act of mastering.
4. expert skill or knowledge.
5. the state of being master; power of command or control.

Only fifty years ago mastery was much easier to come by. Every couple of years you got a new car or a new dishwasher and that was all good. You had time to learn all the features, all the minor nuances of each and every product you bought.

Not anymore, baby!

Today, the average Joe has upwards of a month to learn a product before the new one shows up. Mostly people never master the products or objects in their life at all.

This is the norm for the last 20 years.

Early studies are finding that this dislocation from a feeling of mastery has produced a society wide, low level depression. Not enough to be bad on its own, but when that depression is layered on the many other stresses of life, one could see how a major decline in the quality of life could be sweeping across our country, our world.

They liken it to a buzz, that underlies our lives…a depressive buzz…

Just something to be aware of as we understand and uncover the complexities that are our psychological lives.

Mastery - it’s a cool word too!

Film - A Scanner Darkly (Part Two)

A Scanner Darkly
Laemmle’s Fairfax
August 27, 2006

Yay! I finally saw the movie and it was a very enjoyable experience.

Oddly though, I still really have no strong opinion about the movie as a movie but do have strong feelings and beliefs about the issues being dealt with (drug abuse, the drug war).

I am a sound opponent of the drug war as a lost cause that does nothing but punish human beings for putting something in their body. The drug war and the war on the drug war are the current day fight for civil rights in our country. As your government spends more and more money to stop you from putting a substance in your body, you will at some point have to decide where you want them to stop regulating…for me that point is here in the drug war. 500 billion spent annuallly to stop people from using drugs.

I like the sci-fi aspect that the drug war takes on in the movie; George Orwell would have been proud as the monitoring and eavesdropping take on 1984 type proportions.

I thought the rotoscope (animation) was gorgeous and didn’t take away from the message or the flow of the story. Linklater is a true Auteur-

Although still numb to the movie a little, I would recommend the hell out of it.

I need to see it again, so look for the upcoming entry:

Film - A Scanner Darkly (Part Three)


Waking up laughing
at the fat kid
binging, rolling
down the hill.

Waking up smiling
from the joke
of falling
that is sleep.

In an old tire
world that blurs,
spinning breezing
washing machine…

Waking up laughing
at etherical
jokes, voices
that do stand-up.

And running
from tornadoes,
from the vice
of living in darkness.

Voices tell me
to laugh and cry,
ask for black
time in a bottle.

Voices gurgle
from the bathroom
drain, gurgle spit-
Wanting attention
and love.


Hollywood Chamber of Commerce Part 2 (The Aftermath)

Just kidding, it went fine. Did about as well as one
could expect of a zombie who dissassociates when he gets into
large groups of people.

Mostly I listened to a couple of pitches. The most interesting
was 1800got-junk…they are a business that, for a fee, will send
nice-clean guys to clean out and haul away whatever you
have that you no longer want.
The excitement was overwhelming.

Oh yeah! I won a door prize: 4 tickets to the Huntington Library
and Botanical Gardens in San Marino (near Pasadena).

I’ll report back on that one for ya!

I’m glad I went to the Mixer.
Each time it gets easier.


A Scanner Darkly
Paramount Theater
August 24, 2006

DAMMIT! - forgot to put the drive-on in for Lorenzo
and they wouldn’t let him in!!

Oh well, we’ll see it at a theater Monday.

Hollywood Chamber of Commerce

Yay tonight is Mixer time for the Hollywood
Chamber of Commerce! Ugh!

I am chewing on the inside skin of my cheek. Move on to my fingernails in a bit. Mixer’s much smaller and more intimate…weee!

It’s 90 degrees (In LA, that’s like 105) and I have
to wear a sports coat (Not ‘have to’, ‘want to’) but will wear
it with jeans and a short sleeved collar shirt.

Trust me, i’ll look good. The place is near the Egyptian Theater -
Other than premieres the theater shows retrospects and film fests.
I used to live down that way and it’s really

a pain-in-the-ass for traffic. Total cluster f**k. Oh well,
I have a friend that is going to introduce me around.
She is a member and a great person. I’m in good hands.

White Noise

What would I do without my fans,
even when it’s cold I put them
on for the noise they make.

Being a light sleeper they cover
the jump and startle of this fine
city of Los Angeles. Being

a zombie, you never quite sleep
as well as you would like to sleep.

See, zombies are always a little
on edge, they say a lot of zombies
are ripe with PTSD (Post Traumatic

Stress Disorder) and don’t really sleep
too deeply. So thank you to the fans
that lay a blanket of sound and protect

the sanctity of my precious sleep.

I don’t believe in luck anymore.

I’m sorry, I will not forward
on an email that threatens me with bad luck if I do not
send it on to 10 more people. I will not rub a rabbit foot,
hang a horseshoe or cross my fingers.

For me to believe in luck, I would have to believe that my fate,
my life’s path is subject to the whim of some outside force or
some outside entity that has all the time in the world
to watch over my every little utterance or thought and has the time
to change the outcome of things depending on wether I have
adhered to a regimine of careful luck-watching.

I can’t believe this. I want to believe that we are solely responsible
for our fate; to believe that we are the God’s that we pray to,
that we determine our luck as well as the type of future
we live. We create good luck or bad luck, whichever we choose.

I believe that the Universe is run by a power, a force
that gives us exactly what we are thinking about,
gives us exactly what we think into it. Without judgement.
If I am scared that I won’t get something,
I believe that the Universe gives that right back -
scared - doubt and fear…

Instead of luck, I just try to be very clear, in my mind,
about what I am manifesting. If I tell the Universe that
I hope I get something and hope luck is on my side,
then I am putting doubt into the equation myself by the
very fact that I am hoping.

So I watch myself, have clear intentions,
clear thoughts, specificness and a
removal of doubt. Luck is doubt.
Luck to me is just a method to uncertainty.


Only the same window,
same palm
same dirty screen,
only same
vibration, hands
tight and friends
are shooting zombies,
collecting artifacts.

Same hard steel
cold coffee and motor
roar - crane lifts
steel and dirt
while friends
are killing inside-out
dogs, giant
bugs and spiders.

Pray the end
to another morning
of fear and tightness,
smacked in the head
to try to cry
and friends
solve puzzles that lead
to treasure, drive

race cars to make
a name, a love.
So, only the same grey
sky and listless air,
only the same
droning voices from
a cockpit-
fogged windows,

torn blue seat
lifting things all
morning while nothing
happens, setting things down
in a pile and then it all
happens again.

They can’t find the right room,
can’t get enough points
or don’t have the necessary combination.


Timeline - Drew

May 2002 - started IBP Therapy
July 2002 - Quit drinking alcohol
Feb 2003 - Broke up with Girlfriend
Oct 2003 - Quit Smoking
Jan 2004 - Continued Therapy (never stopped)
Feb 2004 - 1 year single
Feb 2005 - 2 year single
May 2005 - Permanent Job
Jan 2006 - Computer business
Feb 2006 - 3 year single
Jul 2006 - Website and Blog!

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