Archive for September, 2006

Sonic Youth - The Wiltern - Sept 28, 2006

Wow…nothing better than seeing the greatest rock band in the world do their shit.

They have been ripping chords like this since the late 70s and 20 albums later their stuff is still cutting edge and considered experimental.

They taught me banality
They taught me creativity, passion
and what cool really is…

if you read this and have never listened to any of their music then get the new one “Rather Ripped” - amazing.

PS: This was the first time I ever went to a concert by myself. Aren’t you proud of me!!!

The 4 Agreements - The only rules you’ll ever need…

Reprinted from the Don Miguel Ruiz website:

www.miguelruiz.com/

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you wonít be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Dating (day 6)

MATCH.COMical

Have gotten my first two ‘advances’ rejected. What I mean by rejected is the old ignore you until you go away. C’est la vie - as I am trying to get through my head, over and over:

It is not personal. Being rejected has nothing to do with me, only the person doing the rejecting.

Have to keep telling myself:

I am cute
smart
funny
nice
fun
financially stable
smart
etc.

and not let this rejection thing hold me back!

Look out women, here I come!

I’ll Fix It ;)

I think the two biggest obstacles that this Country
has to overcome are:

Campaign Finance Reform - remove politicians from being beholden to corporate influences and lobbyists with big pockets

and

Partisan Politics - acting like there is a huge difference between people wanting the exact same thing for their country (rep vs. dem)

And because I believe this I am forming a new political party:

Republocrat - the Party of the same only much different!

Being honest and doing what is ‘right’ for human beings.

Who is with me?

play…

I wanna go out and play and not have to work anymore at least for today and then maybe go to the movies and then go play baseball and then maybe go to a baseball game and then have some pizza and ice cream and then go to the mall and buy something for me.

So fuck you Dad for making me work every weekend when I was young, fuck you for stealing my days off, my vacations, my days after school.

And fuck this feeling inside me that keeps telling me that I’m only useful and worth something when I am working. That idea is bullshit puritanical, protestant work ethic baloney.

I am special because of WHO I am and not what I DO!

Dating (Day 1)

I think that I finally have gotten to the point where I am ready to date for the first time in my life. That’s right! I have never dated before.

How could a 30 something get through life without dating? Easy, begin relationships only with established friends. That way you never have to go about fearing rejection and can go very slowly into the whole process.

I have been dabbling with MATCH.COM for a while now - mostly lurking and testing the waters, but have been undercutting my intention on getting dates unconsciously. How, you might ask? Well I think:

fear of rejection, enmeshment
depression, anxiety
self-abuse,rumination
inundation, abandonment

What I want now, while respecting that part of me that feels inundated, is to date. Nice and easy dating. No becoming joined at the hip. No 24/7 love-fest that makes me lose the important things in my life that I have carefully developed over the last 4 years.

So I will report back regarding specific dates and the negotiation thereof.

Wish, er no I mean: Know me…a sound, clear mind, please and thank you.

Bobby’s Brother

Bobby’s brother was a zombie too…
You could dress him up, but
he was still a zombie.

Bobby’s brother was hiding stuff,
like his favored sexual orientation,
his plans for the future and his true
motivation.

This dead-brother would act happy that
you were helping him, take advice, seem like he
was getting better and then not too long thereafter
go back to rotting once more.

I knew this brother well because
I was just like him without the homosexuality
or the eating of human remains…(I never
ate people because I didn’t like touching anyone)

Bobby’s brother is dead and has
no hope for a full resurrection.
Bobby’s brother is out of his mind,
his heart-hole has gotten too big.
Booby’s brother has two left feet
when it comes to being ‘okay’.

Problem is that Bobby is even worse and he doesn’t even know it.

Earth

An Earth is bigger now by giant
jungles and forests taken over urban-scape-
giant tigers larger than earthmovers;
big ones step on Wal Mart and Kmart -
a larger government facility like a city or state
with big walls, big everything-
giant humans help smaller ones in danger-
There was a meteor and exposure.

I’m normal. I meet a normal girl.
Gave her a pill outside a rave
she is banned and barred from-
The security at the place she watches
is starting to doubt her, when inside she
shoos me away, always, at three AM
She lives with a man in a tunnel-

I’m homeless; a giant lion crushing
our home, a plane came in toward
the rave, folded in its wings,
and landed in a parking space. A man gets out. He’s for her-
She uses men but says we have something
more desperate. She gives love,
and pays for the divorce seminars;
she’s in the plane and it’s floating away.

I take care of giant children, their
special issues like drugs and guns:
they’re calm and understanding,
helpful- concerned. Huge dark skies,

cliffs and valley beds. There are
tremors from footsteps and roars.
The buildings are big to withstand
big animals. Earth is big.

And she’ll be back tonight
To be a big friend of my life
And then gone again with the doubt
That anything big will ever happen.

Big Earth is lonely.

Edgar Cayce

As a zombie, I am fascinated with this man.
For almost all of his life he gave meditation
readings to people FREE of charge.

He was able to cure illness, fix health issues,
predict events, explore history - all by
exploring his own mind in a meditative state.

And we’re so far from that now-a-days.

He often said that anyone and everyone could do what he
was doing, that the information he accessed was available
to all persons.

Sounds like collective-consciousness, shared thoughts and such.

His reading on Atlantis are still being scientifically researched.
Not sure why this fascinates me…probably has something
to do with religeous science and the holographic theory.

What are those? Wouldn’t you like to know…

Los Angeles Fog

Shh…

that white layer has descended
again, the bookmarks surrounding
summer. The muffle, the pillow
gagging the breath from morning.

Cool basin, nestled and sucking
the milky thumb - cold smooth.

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