I forget sometimes how fortunate I am, to some degrees, that I am able to be as open and able to express myself and my emotions in a true and honest manner. Yes, yes I know, I am hiding behind a pseudonym or a metaphor with the Drew the Zombie moniker, that is true, but the people that read this are usually people I know and they know damn well who is writing this and whose emotions these are spilling out all over the blog.
But all in all and all things considered, I feel so much gratitude to the Universe for my ability to express myself through the language of this blog and the words of my mind both verbally (harder) and through writing.
Because there are those that cannot do this
I know very few who can actually express themselves and their emotions openly and honestly…actually, I’m trying to think of someone and having a really hard time coming up with a name to prove my point wrong. My cohort, Ms. Yvette comes close to being able to express her emotions in a straight forward manner but is just beginning to understand that you must often go beyond the first layer of emotions to get at the truth of what an emotion is meaning and where it is coming from.
Many people feel something and mis-connect the emotion to the proper life-happening. I see this all the time where someone feels depressed about something and after a little digging we find that they were really upset about two different things with one of them being something that happened days before and that they haven’t fixed. This happens to me a lot and one of my most cherished abilities is my skill at parsing through things until I find the one thing that is really bothering me.
Usually, I will dig through all of these things and allow my intuition to ‘ding’ in favor of the thing that is bothering me the most. Most of the time it is something from a few days passed that I didn’t deal with at that time and is just sitting there causing everything that came after it to get way more distorted than it should have.
Just take a look at this Scientific article regarding this phenomena:
Hahahahaha, are you kidding me? There is no ‘proof’ of this stuff because it is impossible to prove or disprove at this point in science. We will just have to rely on intuition and that ‘gut feeling’ that tells us when we are right and wrong.
I guess you could research IBP Therapy or ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) or maybe read through the Good_Parent_Messages (PDF) but in reality, most of this is still something that isn’t well documented.
And this is what makes me thankful and full of gratitude that the Universe has helped me get to a place where I am no longer at the mercy of my emotions and where I can understand which ones are at play when I am feeling down.
And I watch friends try and express themselves and many of them get that blank look in their eyes, I guess they kind of ‘freeze up’ when they try to deal with these hot button topics and these ancient childhood emotions. They also avoid the emotions without even knowing it, forgetting or delaying action for reasons unknown.
I am still often the victim of the hot-button topics myself, getting side swiped by associations I make now to events in the past. Just recently I was having a lovely time with some friends and was blind sided by a comment one of the persons made. I literally left the room in my head and couldn’t hear what they were saying. My little guy inside didn’t want to hear it and ran away.
Normally, I would just tell them I was feeling ill or tired and excuse myself but instead, I confronted the emotion openly and expressed my feelings and thoughts to my friends and that helped the emotions. We discussed my reaction and I was able to navigate the situation to a manageable place and able to come back into the room and into my body.
And this is so hard to know what emotions were being triggered and which childhood situation was being referenced by my current outburst. Connecting the now with the then is essential when it comes to uncovering old patterns and being able to break the habit. But if I can do it so can you. Life is an emotional experience and we have to face those emotions and bring them in line with the truth: no emotion is bigger than me. I can deal with anything my feelings throw at me with grace and pressure. And I can do it by admitting, without shame and guilt, what is really going on in my head.
This makes my little boy inside so happy and content - that I am dealing with the issues and not hiding from them makes all the difference to him because, he just wants to be seen and heard and to have me deal with things in an honest adult manner.
This leads to contentment…