Binge Journal #11

It has been a bit of time since my last entry. I am still going along with my current course of discipline: meal size, mindless binging and adding to my workout load ever so slightly.

At first, rather quickly, I could see changes to my overall body shape. The fact that my apartment is full of mirrors, I could easily see a difference in shape of the problem areas (love handles, breasts, face). Three weeks later, the changes are still happening but not at the rate that they were happening at the beginning. This has been the source of some amount of letdown for me. I am trying not to feel shame or be mean to myself over this as I know that this will take some time as my body adjusts to the new amount of food and the new types of exercise.

The weird thing is how my body is changing shape. It looks more awkward now than when I was carrying the extra weight. I know this is probably temporary and will try not to let this fact and my propensity towards body dysmorphia.

All in all, I feel a great amount of hope that I will, for the first time in my life, actually see some change in my body shape. I have hope that I will be healthier and more streamline as well as not so obsessed with food.

That’s until tomorrow when all of this will probably shift and I might be back hating my body and seeing it as a massive fat blob.

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