Binge Journal #13

Patience is a virtue that I am learning but I have little or no patience
for waiting so…I bash myself.

My Body Dysmorphia is driving me bonkers. It’s like being on acid sometimes when I realize that the mental image I have of my body rarely matches the image that is the reality I see in the mirror. This can become extremely disconcerting, especially in the middle of the night when you are peeing, look up and see someone you don’t recognize.

Stopping the binge behavior (like the stuffing) is extremely hard, especially when I am alone so much of the time. Being lonely is the touchstone for me to become mindless about eating, that much I now know. My habit is to be alone and with that comes the loneliness and then the eating. So the answer would be to be more social…

I have to work on the two things concurrently because they are so intertwined. This is all an elaborate set-up that the little kid in me built when I was young and my parents weren’t doing the job that would have led me to a better system.

That’s where I’m at…

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