Archive for How it works

Language and manifestation

You may be your own worst enemy when it comes to getting what you want from the Universe, the cosmic system and/or your God. First of all, at some point you’re gonna need to at least admonish the idea that you are an ‘active participant’ in the creation of your life and what makes up that life. We have come too far, post-20th Century, to not realize that we at least have a pretty large effect on what happens to us and what ultimately ‘comes our way’ be it conscious or unconsciously attributed.

So understanding that you have a ‘hand’ in your own creation it seems logical to say that the language you create with, this hand, lies in your language. And when I say ‘language’ I am talking about your thoughts, your word and your creative intention as formed through the language of thought and speech, especially when we share those thoughts to person or paper or data.

We, it is becoming more and more likely are, active participants in our own creation through the use of words and language.

Supposing this idea sound, we are then creating with the use of language in the form of thoughts, ideas, directions and purpose. Our intentions, simply put, become reality when we set forth the idea, execute the thoughts and monitor a consistency in these thoughts through time. It is language that parses the details, collects the materials, executes the mechanism and it is word that starts the domino effect, the butterfly effect.

Great, I will use language to get what I want

With this idea of language being key, the most important lesson I would be aware of is the ‘language’ you use when praying or asking for or getting what you want. In most cases when we speak about what we want we say, ‘I hope it happens’ or ‘I really want this to happen’ and ‘if I am lucky then’ – all of those make a mechanical mistake in their tense that they use passive, non-definite words, the ‘hope’, the ‘want’ and the ‘luck’ all communicate a sense of doubt in the outcome of the desired result.

This sense of doubt being introduced through the essential mechanism of creation, language, gives exactly what the word asks for: ‘I hope’ gives you hope but doesn’t give you the thing you want, just hope; ‘I want’ is a state of being that communicates a lack, a ‘not having’ to the creative power and thus, the creative power gives ‘want’ or a lack of; and ‘luck’ is telling the creative power of the Universe that you do not control the thing you want and aren’t sure if you can have it.

So what is the alternative?

The present tense of ‘I have’ is what you use. If you want a house then, ‘I have the perfect house’ would be your mantra and your belief. Intention is in the belief, the mechanism runs because you make it run and things happen AS you say, your language.

  • I have abundance and believe in my own connection to the Universal flow
  • I bring the perfect ‘thing’ to me, naturally
  • I am the source and substance of my supply
  • I have clarity of thought and make good decisions
  • I am perfect health

It’s all in the tense and intention. When asking and praying for what you want, remember that you are praying not only to some creator but also to yourself. You are the creator and you are responsible. Be precise with your language and less gets lost in the shuffle in the communication between Universe and the creator – you.

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From the “Wake up Sheeple” Dept.: Oil subsidies

Did you know that despite the fact that gas prices have skyrocketed over 250% in the last 5 years, we still SUBSIDIZE oil companies to the tune of $18 billion dollars a year to keep gas prices down.

Let me rephrase this for you: despite making profits of over $123 billion dollars in 2007 we continue to give the oil industry $18 billion dollars a year to help keep gas prices down.

Rep. Ed Markey, D-Mass., chairman of the House Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming, pushed back, criticizing the oil industry for charging consumers too much while investing too little in alternative energy sources.

Noting that the five biggest U.S. oil companies’ profits rose to $123 billion last year, Markey demanded, “What is the oil industry doing with all this profit?”

He said investments should be rising for technologies that would reduce U.S. dependency on oil, but “unfortunately, it goes as much to financial engineering as renewable engineering.”

Then one of the oil barons at the hearing responded:

“I heard what you are hearing. Americans are very worried about the rising price of energy,” said John Hofmeister, president of Royal Dutch Shell.

“our earnings, though high in absolute terms, need to be viewed in the context of the scale and cyclical, long-term nature of our industry as well as the huge investment requirements.”

Right. We should worry about your long-term profits…

And in the last 2 years since Democrats took over minor control of congress, they have passed legislation that would kill these subsidies only to have Republicans block them from becoming laws.

So basically oil companies, through their Republican proxies, are holding America for ransom by saying that if not given the $18 billion in subsidies, that prices will rise uncontrollably in the market.

The price of gas has risen over 250% in 5 years. Maybe we should just stop subsidizing this travesty and let them do what they want with the prices. Seems like it couldn’t be any worse.

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Zombie Debt – Student Loans

I am in zombie debt which is not your ordinary debt but the kind of fantastic debt that only living dead monsters from a farcical, outlandish end-of-the-world situation could ever have held over their heads. I have student loan debt. The debt that goes beyond the normal debt channels and they are threatening and moving forward to garnish my tiny little wages.

But I am not my debt. I am not broken or flawed.

When I was young, my entire life up till college, I was told, nay beaten over the head with the idea that I must attend college. There was no choice, you we either going to college or skid row. And then as it came time for me to go to college and my parents we all for it, I decided to stay in state and go to a real University – the University of Florida – my parents were thrilled because I was close, but not too close. So off they sent me with some money and a promise to keep the money flowing…

Until six months later and the divorce. The money stopped and was instead sent to lawyers and I was told to fend for myself or come home. Not being one to quit and knowing I would be on skid row if I didn’t get my degree, I went to financial aid to see what they could do for me.

I am not my finances, I am not my economics

The financial aid people loved me. They steered me away from the grants I could have gotten in favor of federal loans. Lucky me. Today, they are only finally uncovering the massive corruption and coercive cheating going on between the loan counselors entrusted with my education and the private corporation that wanted my blood, er, I mean business.

Cuomo calls student loan corruption widespread

Blowing the Lid on Student Loan Corruption

NY adopts student loan corruption-reduction legislation

So basically from the mid eighties through, well, now, we have unleashed the corporate predators like Sallie Mae and others to basically ruin the lives of millions of students trying to get their lives started.

A Subpoena for Sallie Mae

Millions of us out there, indentured servants, working week to week to pay off loans we may never be able to get out from under.

And no one is doing a thing. No one cares that I can barely survive on my salary with my loan payments. My initial loans ended up totaling (through graduate school) a unremarkable $68,000.00. Today with penalties and interest, my loan stands at $115,000.00. That is an increase of 72% in under ten years. I have paid off enough that I wonder if any of that money even made it to the principle before the penalties.

I am not my debt. I am not a bad person for owing so much

And nobody cares. There is no relief. And there are millions upon millions of us in the same boat. And all I ever hear from older folks is “you borrowed the money, you pay it back”. And I will but who would have thought that an entire generation of humans would come to fruition with the massive debt that generation X and Y are holding.

And don’t get me started about credit card debt. Ugh!

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Freezing up…

I forget sometimes how fortunate I am, to some degrees, that I am able to be as open and able to express myself and my emotions in a true and honest manner. Yes, yes I know, I am hiding behind a pseudonym or a metaphor with the Drew the Zombie moniker, that is true, but the people that read this are usually people I know and they know damn well who is writing this and whose emotions these are spilling out all over the blog.

But all in all and all things considered, I feel so much gratitude to the Universe for my ability to express myself through the language of this blog and the words of my mind both verbally (harder) and through writing.

Because there are those that cannot do this

I know very few who can actually express themselves and their emotions openly and honestly…actually, I’m trying to think of someone and having a really hard time coming up with a name to prove my point wrong. My cohort, Ms. Yvette comes close to being able to express her emotions in a straight forward manner but is just beginning to understand that you must often go beyond the first layer of emotions to get at the truth of what an emotion is meaning and where it is coming from.

Many people feel something and mis-connect the emotion to the proper life-happening. I see this all the time where someone feels depressed about something and after a little digging we find that they were really upset about two different things with one of them being something that happened days before and that they haven’t fixed. This happens to me a lot and one of my most cherished abilities is my skill at parsing through things until I find the one thing that is really bothering me.

Usually, I will dig through all of these things and allow my intuition to ‘ding’ in favor of the thing that is bothering me the most. Most of the time it is something from a few days passed that I didn’t deal with at that time and is just sitting there causing everything that came after it to get way more distorted than it should have.

Just take a look at this Scientific article regarding this phenomena:

Hahahahaha, are you kidding me? There is no ‘proof’ of this stuff because it is impossible to prove or disprove at this point in science. We will just have to rely on intuition and that ‘gut feeling’ that tells us when we are right and wrong.

I guess you could research IBP Therapy or ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) or maybe read through the Good_Parent_Messages (PDF) but in reality, most of this is still something that isn’t well documented.

And this is what makes me thankful and full of gratitude that the Universe has helped me get to a place where I am no longer at the mercy of my emotions and where I can understand which ones are at play when I am feeling down.

Freezing up

And I watch friends try and express themselves and many of them get that blank look in their eyes, I guess they kind of ‘freeze up’ when they try to deal with these hot button topics and these ancient childhood emotions. They also avoid the emotions without even knowing it, forgetting or delaying action for reasons unknown.

I am still often the victim of the hot-button topics myself, getting side swiped by associations I make now to events in the past. Just recently I was having a lovely time with some friends and was blind sided by a comment one of the persons made. I literally left the room in my head and couldn’t hear what they were saying. My little guy inside didn’t want to hear it and ran away.

Normally, I would just tell them I was feeling ill or tired and excuse myself but instead, I confronted the emotion openly and expressed my feelings and thoughts to my friends and that helped the emotions. We discussed my reaction and I was able to navigate the situation to a manageable place and able to come back into the room and into my body.

And this is so hard to know what emotions were being triggered and which childhood situation was being referenced by my current outburst. Connecting the now with the then is essential when it comes to uncovering old patterns and being able to break the habit. But if I can do it so can you. Life is an emotional experience and we have to face those emotions and bring them in line with the truth: no emotion is bigger than me. I can deal with anything my feelings throw at me with grace and pressure. And I can do it by admitting, without shame and guilt, what is really going on in my head.

This makes my little boy inside so happy and content – that I am dealing with the issues and not hiding from them makes all the difference to him because, he just wants to be seen and heard and to have me deal with things in an honest adult manner.

This leads to contentment…

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Websites vs. Blogs

As part-time web consultant (and writer and assistant and handyman) I find that a lot of people are waking up to a desire to have a web presence for themselves. This is especially true in Los Angeles where a lot of the people I meet are writers or producers or directors, etc, the idea that you need a web presence is becoming a fact of life.

It is so much easier to hand someone a card that has a website address for that person to see as opposed to having to wait for a resume or reel to come through the snail mail. This web presence allows the prospective employer the instant gratification of discovering you in a way that they can do on their own time and from the convenience of their own computer.

But the problem I see happening is that websites are a cumbersome, expensive undertaking. As a web consultant I constantly see people who think that their only option to having a web presence is to shell out the $5,000-$50,000 it costs to build a decent web-savvy website and then I also see these same people forgoing the website and having no web presence because of the steep costs involved. But there is another option…

Blogs are an excellent solution

One of the ideas that I push as I consult with individuals and small businesses is to go Blog. A blog is a simple, convenient and cheap solution. Most blogs are freeware (meaning that anyone can use without paying for a license) and companies such as WordPress (my favorite) or LiveJournal allow you to use their software without charge and have vast communities of people that update the styles and looks and add ons that make using them and keeping them current a breeze.

A blog also allows you to be constantly adding new content that the search engines love and to establish a presence as an authority on whatever subject or career you are blogging about. The blog can actually become a source of information for whatever it is you are trying to promote, which means more people looking at you as the presence you are establishing.

Sounds great, what does it take?

The most important thing is the domain name. The preferred choice would be your name @ dot com (not everyone can have you know.) For example is most likely taken but I’m sure we can find a convenient and easy variation on the name (,, etc.) Once we have that all we need is a hosting company to host the domain and see what they offer by way of blog ware. I would find one that doesn’t charge extra for an instance of WordPress on their server and go with them. They should charge you about 15$ a month to host the domain and the blog.

And that’s it. Everything you need to do for one of these blogs is in a web friendly user interface that is as intuitive as any web page you browse. And since WordPress is a freeware product all one would have to do is sort through the thousands of free, user created styles that can be interchanged in the blog to create the look you want and, viola! You have a blog.

Now you may have to pay someone (like me) about 200$ at the start to get all this going for you, but after that, it’s just the monthly hosting fee and your on the web. No massive website to build, no huge labor costs for developers and especially, no big-time up keep to worry about every time something goes awry on the website.

So if you are interested, here’s an email of my friend Gary Phillips @ Sitesurfer who set up the blog for me and helps me keep this blog running. He sets these up for people all the time and owns a hosting company to make everything a one stop shopping experience:

There’s no reason money should stop you from having a web presence. Good luck and keep on writing!


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Adult Children of Alcoholics (and dysfunctional families)Discussion Group .

Adult Children of Alcoholics (and dysfunctional families)Discussion Group .

Welcome to the ACA program. This is a 12-Step, 12 Tradition support group focused on understanding the specific behavior and attitude patterns we developed while growing up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional environment. These patterns continue to affect us today.

By attending regular email meetings we come to a better understanding of our past so we can more effectively restructure our lives today. We begin to see more clearly what is positive and healthy in ourselves. We are individuals struggling through rigorous honesty to become the best we can be. Meetings are intended to be safe places where we can share our experience, strength, hope, and fears without judgment or criticism. We have the right not to share unless we are ready.

ACA is not meant to be a substitute for other 12-Step programs, but we believe the tools we have to offer can be helpful in recovery. This program is grounded in spiritual guidance and is not affiliated with any specific religion.

We meet together to share our experience of walking the path toward recovery; we offer friendship and understanding. We love one another in a very special way. We welcome you to join us.

Our parent group is Adult Children of Alcoholics

Like compressing a flower in the pages of a book, something being repressed doesn’t disappear; it only becomes distorted.


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Good, good parent messages

  1. I love you
  2. I want you
  3. You are special to me
  4. I see you and I hear you
  5. It’s not what you do but who you are that I love
  6. I love you and give you permission to be different than me
  7. I’ll take care of you
  8. My love will make you well
  9. I will be there for you, even when you die
  10. You can trust me
  11. You can trust your inner voice
  12. Sometimes I will tell you ‘no’ and that’s because I love you
  13. You don’t have to be alone anymore
  14. You don’t have to be afraid anymore
  15. I feel your love and take it in

good parent messages (PDF)

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Unilateral Contract

I’m not your dad, even though, from the tone, from the manner, from the clues, you treat me the same way and react to me the same way you would him.

And your not my mom even though, often times, i place on you certain expectations, the unfair burden of my relationship to my mom.

Unilateral Contracts

You told me something about your life and I listened with my good ear. This thing you mentioned was a very exciting thing for you and you looked for my reaction, my opinion. But see, I’m not your father and didn’t know you were looking for my approval, looking for my interest; I didn’t know you wanted me to tell you that you did a good job, that you are doing a good thing: unilateral contract, unknown to me.

And you are not my mom. My mom would draw me into to be her best friend, her confider, her therapist and then discard me with a whim much like you do. My mom drank and pursued things that a mother wouldn’t normally or formally do. She had no boundaries with me and I had none with her. I learned to accept unacceptable behavior; to feel comfort in a push and pull, up and down – *crazy-making*

And it’s unfair for me to make you her, that’s not what you signed up for, that’s not what you were looking for in our relationship and I wasn’t looking for someone to look down on me, pity me and play the push and pull when that’s the exact same thing I was doing to you, sigh-

And I’m afraid you’ll never understand how far you led me into your life and how close I was to letting all my defenses down…the sting of a unilateral contract lies in the crushed expectations often times undeclared and unexposed to the light of day.

Unilateral contracts – unknown and undeclared – silent and deadly to relationships, friendships.

u·ni·lat·er·al – Pronunciation[yoo-nuh-lat-er-uhl]–adjective

1. relating to, occurring on, or involving one side only: unilateral development; a unilateral approach.
2. undertaken or done by or on behalf of one side, party, or faction only; not mutual: a unilateral decision; unilateral disarmament.

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Direct Manifestation #001 – Her

I believe, whole-heartedly, that we bring to us all things that are in our life, good or bad. I believe that we are completely responsible for the people, the situations and all other aspects in our life and specifically bring certain things based on the conscious and unconscious thoughts and ideas we entertain in our brains.

See, basically the Universe is an enormous facilitator that gives us exactly what we are thinking about in its truest intention. This enormous Universal generator does not care who we are, what we did, our standing in the community, how we treated each other and it doesn’t in the least bit show favoritism or judge you in any way. It just gives you what you ask for.

So what you are asking for is supremely important, what you are thinking about is extremely important and what is specifically going on inside your brain in terms of agenda, super agenda and unconscious thought.

My point is, be careful that you not only know what is going on in there but be sure that your preconceived notions of what you want and need are very clear and that you are not undercutting your own attempts to manifest with negative thoughts and hidden agendas. We have lot of defense mechanisms that have their own agenda and have since childhood.

So, let’s see you manifest something, Mr. Smarty-zombie-pants

Fine, I will. If you have read any of my postings in the last year, you probably get the idea that I am a bit of a loner and often find myself being much more lonely than need be. Part of the problem that I found out about myself, as I recovered somewhat from my Adult Child Syndrome, is that not only did I find myself manifesting women that were mostly broken (so I could fix) but also, a part of my mind was always undercutting my other needs with an absolute fear that someone would take over my life., get too close.

Well, all of these factors that have kept me alone are being worked on and the best way someone can start manifesting is to state what they want, very, very, clearly. Seeing that I want a mate, a girlfriend, then I will start with a list that describes who i want to come into my life.

Without further ado, my direct manifestation, Her:

  • Smart – intellectually and world-wise
  • Smart-ass – gives it as good as they get!
  • Athletic – fit, likes to exercise, active
  • Pretty face
  • Wants to start a family in future
  • Can accept an integration of friendship circles
  • But has their own friends and does their own ‘things’
  • Has hobbies and interests
  • Does not expect me to be their ‘other half’ – they are ‘whole’
  • Enjoys and understands their own sexuality; is aware of…
  • Does not have massive sexual hangups
  • Willing to try things sexually
  • Not carrying tons of baggage
  • Able to explore intimacy
  • Emotionally able
  • Willing to discuss things: a good fighter
  • Mature (not age but emotional maturity)
  • Not a heavy drinker or drug addict (I’m totally okay with binging but…I can’t be around it right now)
  • Likes sports and/or can tolerate without feeling like they are being ignored
  • Likes movies (my ultimate career)

…more to come but you get the idea. I send this off to the Universe and let go of the result. And so it is…

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So don’t be expecting shit from me; gifts or posts.
I’m going home to florida and busy as a cat covering
up shit. So nah!

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