Archive for Rant

Markers

I was at rock bottom when i started unearthing that ancient anger and pain from my childhood and as I gained strength to act on my own behalf, I was still at the maturity level of a young child and lashing out was all I knew.

That same Christmas I decided to let these two jerks (my parents) know exactly how I felt about their drinking and their drama. I got some big Christmas cards and in the ugliest magic-marker I could find I blasted them both back to the stone age.

I told them about themselves but good. I laid into their selfishness, their inability to make me feel safe, for all the years I had to be the parent, for the loss of my childhood, for the fact that I had to carry around a small pack in case I had to leave in a haste.

I got even nastier about their disgusting habit of drinking and cheating on each other. It was ugly and the magic markers made it look like a crazy person was stalking them-

My mom (who i am still close to) was devastated, but in a good way. She talked to me and held an ongoing conversation and this became the launching point for our further relationship. Dad said nothing. He never reaches out and I stopped trying. One for two…

Looking back I am so proud of the little boy who, even though he was scared and sad, still for the first time took charge and stuck up for me. He acted on my behalf and I will never forget what he did for me.

The anger I feel for what they did has totally subsided (coincidentally it has lessened at the same rate as my inner self-hate has lessened) But I will never forget what they did and never forget how I got out of that hell and became the man that I am…becoming.

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More Best Albums 2009 – Dirty Projectors – Bitte Orca

From the album Bitte Orca I give you Dirty Projectors and their varied and sumptuous music. The song is called ‘Stillness is the Move’:

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Drew the Zombie was born on Bastille Day

40 years ago today! 7-14-1969. Born in the Summer of Love!

This has been a pretty rough lead up to my birthday, I guess #40, while you are still a bachelor, has a lot more ‘weight’ on it than any other birthday that I have had lately. I apologize to those around me that may have been on the receiving end of my bad behavior or my grumpy mood.

Sylvia, via Hannah W., sent me this wonderful picture:

Sylvia wished Drew a happy happy

Isn’t she cute!?

Now back to moping about my birthday. Hrmph!

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Unilateral Contract #001 and #002

I need to explain myself and what is going on with me and in doing so I beg of you to just hear my words and understand it isn’t anything you did. It’s all my doing and all my stuff.

It has been really special for me to get to know you again (for the first time) and with that I am seeing how cool you are and good and sweet. It has also made me realize how much of our past issues was sprung from my childhood issues. So much of the pain I cause our friendship and our love was due to my applying of things my mom did to me to the people in my life – I am realizing with your wonderful help, how I inject her into my current life.

I see now how I attributed things she did to things you did, unfairly. Recently those things sprung up with a friend who is like a family member, a sister, so as we got closer my drama would start and get on her as well. So I finally could see what part was really me.

1. One of those issues leftover from my mom is feeling used. When I was young, I was my mom’s surrogate husband, hanging out, being best friends, always together but then she would fling me aside for weeks at a time when she made up with my dad or got a new friend and basically it felt like I was being used – really the truth was was that i had no business being her friend and really should have been out playing. But putting me in this position she was putting a child into the shoes of an adult – but I couldn’t deal with it.

Fast forward to adulthood and our relationship, and I misguidedly assume that everyone is trying to use me instead of just realizing that people do ask for favors (especially me). So thus, as I have gotten better, I am very careful not to let my childhood imagination go wild. When people ask me to get them some stuff, I always have to reassure myself that this isn’t my mom using me, this isn’t my mom using me and that I LOVE to go get for people I care about. So there is no problem.

And you are my friend so, I know you aren’t using me. But the struggle continues and I will have Victory over this ‘unilateral contract’ – remember that?

I know now, in my heart that it isn’t you, it’s me!! And that makes it go away.

2. Secondly comes the double whammy. My other worse thing I still carry around from childhood is my awful fears of being left behind. Mom used to always do that to me. leave me behind – see I was, in my mind, an adult and how dare she go out at night to a bar without me (I know it sounds so ridiculous, cuz I was fucking 8!)

But this is what I am finally facing. My poor friend sometimes dares to NOT go to lunch with me cause a friend will ask her to go and she gets a grumpy me for her troubles :)

She has helped me learn that these are not things that are really happening, just an 8 year olds perspective.

YESTERDAY: But then all in one feel swoop I get a call from you asking for me to get some stuff so you take on a birthday camping trip I’m not going to. Needless to say, I hit the wall hard. this is what I do to all my friends – I even do it to Doug and he has learned to question me and make me think.

So I got upset and felt like I was being left behind. Silly huh?

So I say this to just reassure you that if I do get grumpy it isn’t you, it’s old habits that die hard – BUT DIE THEY WILL

I will be victorious over this ancient drama and I will strengthen my resolve to value and cultivate a wonderful friendship with you – a person that I am really coming to realize is a wonderful special friend.

So to summarize: I have these old things that I let surface and sometimes they hurt my buddies and I don’t want them to be hurt. I soooo appreciate all you have helped me with and love you very much.

Please understand you did nothing wrong and that I am sooo fucking happy that I can see this stuff happening and that with your beautiful friendship i can overcome!!!!

Posted in Adult Children, Guyland, How it works, Rant, Rave, Zombie Life, Zombie Philosophy | Comments Off on Unilateral Contract #001 and #002

Obama vs the GOP

This is happening all over America. People are waking up to the lies, the deceit and empty promises of the GOP and looking to the Democrats to actually do some quality governing for a change.

From Reddit

You know, I use to be a republican. Throughout college and during my first year at law school I was a republican. I spoke using the same rhetoric. I would attack the poor of our nation by labeling them as lazy, I would constantly attack welfare and use that to illustrate what the democratic party was like. I did all of these things and then I began to educate myself, I read, I kept up with the news. I went beyond the nice little package rhetoric and began looking at results.


This is when I began to realize that much of the republican doctrine, as it is now, its based on loose facts and irrational logic. It is constantly about creating these supposed hypotheticals of what is going to happen if democrats get in charge. It is about constantly blaming others and judging others. It is about simplifying extremely complicated ideas into simple minded sound bites. As if by repeating it over and over it will become more truthful. It is about sticking to an ideology no matter what facts present themselves and if facts do present themselves then its about simply offering a justification or spinning it.


Now, its not to say that Democrats have been that much better, however, I do believe that their platform is more conducive to serving society. And I truly believe that there is something special in Barack Obama. He is a politician but I think he brings with him a progressive vision and management style and I do believe that his intellectualism accompanied by his passion for America will serve us all greatly.



I woke up to what amounts to a massive defrauding of the American people by a cabal of power brokers starring the current Republican players (Rove, Bush, Cheney, McCain, etc) and funded by corporate interests and old old money. They have fleeced this country, the USA of trillions of dollars through the Federal Reserve (free loans of tax payer dollars, creating inflation, devaluing dollar), the massive war machine and a penchant for creating ‘shell corporations’ out of our tax payer financed government agencies (FEMA, Homeland Security, all regulatory departments).

Obama won’t completely change that. But he will be a wonderful start.

McCain/Palin is a desperate attempt to hold onto power and continue the current historic fleecing of the United States of America.

Posted in Politics, Rant, Zombie Philosophy | Comments Off on Obama vs the GOP

Media-opoly

Watch this hilarious “School House Rock”-type cartoon about the way that our incredibly important media establishment has been taken over by corporations intent on ruining the unbiased government watchdog that used to be our ‘4th estate’ – news and journalism:

This is funny but is the absolute truth. Media, news and journalism is allowed to be in existence because we as the people gave them the right to OUR AIRWAVES. TV, radio and newspapers all exist as the result of using, with our permission these airways, these radio signals and they have forgotten that now and have become more interested in securing their profit than doing what they are suppose to be doing: honest journalism, the 4th estate, government watchdog, justice, truth.

We must take back this privilege and give it to responsible media source like those found on the internet. Stop watching the FOX newses, the CBS, NBC, CNN – you deserve more than the lies and half-truths that they spew.

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Baby boomers call us Gen X ‘baby losers’

From an article in the Guardian, a UK newspaper comes an assessment of Generation X that makes my skin crawl:

With inflation soaring, property prices sky high, wages relatively static, labour markets gridlocked and sluggish or slowing economies, Nathalie, Lorenzo, Arias and Di Martino are among tens of millions of Europeans raised to expect that their degrees and diplomas will assure them a relatively high quality of life who are now realising that the world has changed. The disappointment is a shock with big political, social, cultural, even demographic consequences.

I found the article on REDDIT and had to laugh when I read one of the comments in the comment section:

Oh, so we’re ‘baby losers’ now? Fucking boomer assholes. It’s ‘Generation X’ to you, shitbags. You know us. We’re the generation who aren’t at all grateful for the fucking mess you left us in. We will not fix it for you. We’re the generation who won’t slave for fuck all. We will not pay for your ridiculous retirement fantasies. We’re the generation who won’t die for your megalomaniacal ideals. We are not like you. We’re the generation called X.

I couldn’t agree more. I constantly hear baby boomer platitudes like “Pull your self up by the boot straps” or “suck it up” when this horrible, self-centered and self-absorbed generation systematically ruins our economy and shoves more debt to the generations below them all the while lecturing the younger generations on fiscal responsibility. Never mind they love their SUVs, their MCMansions and letting their debt get absorbed back into the system with more tax breaks for the wealthy, more debt relief for the corporations and rich all the while ignoring the massive inflation and deficit spending that they continue like a drunken sailor on leave.

From the article:

In 1973, only 6 per cent of recent university leavers in France were unemployed; now the rate is 25 to 30 per cent; salaries have stagnated for 20 years while property prices have doubled or trebled, though the overall proportion of French people living in poverty has not changed. Whereas in the 1960s the poor were mainly the old, now they are the young; in 1970, salaries for 50-year-olds were only 15 per cent higher than those for workers of 30; the gap now is 40 per cent.

This is systematic defrauding of the current younger generations and the generations to come. In America the current generation are soon going to be expected to pay for the baby boomer retirement and at this rate that will be impossible especially considering the coming disaster that is the social security solvency.

So the next time you hear someone older than 40 telling someone else to pull themselves up by the bootstraps, you tell them how you cannot afford bootstraps and then punch them in the teeth.

And baby boomers beware. Pretty soon you will be reliant on the younger generations for your very survival and these kids are smart enough that they are realizing what hole you have put them in; and they are pissed, and they want revenge.

Posted in Rant, Zombie Life | 3 Comments

I’m sorry :(

My country is the bad guy. All my life i was fed the horseshit that we were the good guys and then the “internet” happens and I realize how dumb/misled I was.


I want to formerly apologize to the world. I’m sorry it took so long for me to wake up. I promise with every breath I take for the rest of my life I will oppose this corruption, this cheating, this monster of the more and their more.

– Anonymous

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From the “Wake up Sheeple” Dept.: Oil subsidies

Did you know that despite the fact that gas prices have skyrocketed over 250% in the last 5 years, we still SUBSIDIZE oil companies to the tune of $18 billion dollars a year to keep gas prices down.

Let me rephrase this for you: despite making profits of over $123 billion dollars in 2007 we continue to give the oil industry $18 billion dollars a year to help keep gas prices down.

Rep. Ed Markey, D-Mass., chairman of the House Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming, pushed back, criticizing the oil industry for charging consumers too much while investing too little in alternative energy sources.

Noting that the five biggest U.S. oil companies’ profits rose to $123 billion last year, Markey demanded, “What is the oil industry doing with all this profit?”

He said investments should be rising for technologies that would reduce U.S. dependency on oil, but “unfortunately, it goes as much to financial engineering as renewable engineering.”

Then one of the oil barons at the hearing responded:

“I heard what you are hearing. Americans are very worried about the rising price of energy,” said John Hofmeister, president of Royal Dutch Shell.

“our earnings, though high in absolute terms, need to be viewed in the context of the scale and cyclical, long-term nature of our industry as well as the huge investment requirements.”

Right. We should worry about your long-term profits…

And in the last 2 years since Democrats took over minor control of congress, they have passed legislation that would kill these subsidies only to have Republicans block them from becoming laws.

So basically oil companies, through their Republican proxies, are holding America for ransom by saying that if not given the $18 billion in subsidies, that prices will rise uncontrollably in the market.

The price of gas has risen over 250% in 5 years. Maybe we should just stop subsidizing this travesty and let them do what they want with the prices. Seems like it couldn’t be any worse.

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Why I don’t hate Hillary

Hillary is a lot like a pit bull. She has spent the last two decades fighting a ferocious battle with the neoconservative establishment that was and still is running this country. These are the people names Rove, Bush, Cheney and the ilk that lie fast and don’t have a second thought about cheating, smearing while fighting to the death.

Hillary has been battling these partisan politicians for some time as did Bill Clinton when he ran against them and both of them play that game well. sadly, both her and Bill have learned to fight fire with fire and become like the neo-cons in that winner take all mentality.

So, are we surprised when she attacks like she does? Are we surprised that she is a pit bull and is still attacking like one. Should I blame her?

Yes and no. She is the old guard and a lot of them think you have to fight like this to win. So for me, it’s mixed emotions. These tactics were much used in the past and still may be used in the general election (I hope not.)

But what has changed?

If you remember, as close as the 2004 election, this type of political attack was still working and working well in the form of the Swiftboat Veterans attacking John Kerry. But the news Internet was still growing up then and still a work in progress. The blogsphere was not what we have now and nowhere near as vigilant and aggressive. People like Rove and Bush were able to get away with a lot more underhanded stuff as were Hillary and Bill.

The times have really changed, truth is only a little research away and every statement uttered by the candidates is parsed and examined. A spade is called a spade almost instantaneously – information disseminated faster, lies uncovered quicker, propaganda dispelled in the blink of a-

But these old guard politicians (Hillary, Bush, McCain) haven’t caught up yet with the internet, with the new ideas Obama is espousing and the ideas that American people want and the internet is exposing. Am I gonna hate Hillary for her old guard ways? No. She has been fighting MY BATTLES against these win-at-all-cost neocons for twenty years and I am gonna give her and Bill a lot of leeway, a lot of empathy.

It is us, the voter, the blogger, the informed public that has changed, not the politicians, and it is on them to change with the times or go by the wayside like Hillary is doing in the polls today. As this change is happening, I and you know that Obama and the internet are the future, but that doesn’t mean I have to rip Hillary apart for being a pit bull and for falling behind. I want her to catch up, want to encourage her to catch up.

And she will go down and for that I feel bad because she has been on my side for so long and has been battered for so long, I cannot now start taking shots at her.

The anger that comes out of someone towards something else is never about the object or person hated but always about the one doing the hating. Plain and simple. I will not send that to anyone, especially not Hillary.

At some point, the useless hatred needs to stop with someone…let that someone be me.

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