Emotions – The Future and the Past

Imagine if you turned down the volume on your emotions. There would be no bombastic, exaggerated happiness yet, at the same time, no wallowing in the sadness of the lows. You would live in the middle ground of mellow and consistent, a ‘roll with the punches’ attitude dominating your life.

Some big football star once said that he never let himself get too up or too down, and that helped him compete in that he was always ready for the next play cause he wasn’t stuck in the past play. I think it was Joe Montana but I am not going to research it because it is an old idea and one that has been shared by many.

And the thing is, staying in the moment is the hardest thing I have ever attempted.

I mean, really staying in the moment.

I was an ‘anticipator’ when I was growing up. A state common to children of the seventies, children that grew up in the schizoid family structure of the baby boomers and especially common in families of divorce, alcholics, work-a-holics, etc…

Anticipators or ‘the good kid’ always had to be a few steps ahead of their parnets at all times to anticipate their skewed demands, their volatile eruptions and to be seen as the good kid when all goes wrong (in these households, it always went wrong).

Anticipating something is being in the future through evaluating the past. The Anticipator is never in the now. They never feel what is going on now. They are stuck in their heads, trying to do their best on what’s to come.

What it took for me to learn to stay here and now was harder than quitting smoking, quitting drinking – It was and is still a daily battle to stay present while things are zinging at you that trigger unconscious reactions that send you quickly into the future or past.

I battle this hourly.

I disassociate constantly. If you see a blank look on my face, I’m down the road in furtureland.

I am an anticipator-

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