Stay Now…

Staying in the ‘Now’ is probably my most subtle
and most dramatic fight. I can project (protect) myself
to anticipate what is coming so easily that it has
always been second nature to race into the future.

Even now as I write this and am depressed about
something entirely unrelated, I struggle to stay with this
writing, this narrative and find myself having to stop
and come back to where I had just left off…

And it has been called Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)
or just brushed off as the MTV Generation but I know that
that is too easy. I watch my friends that I know are like this
and can see the same thing as we talk and hit a ‘touchy’

subject, I watch them floating down the mental ‘street’
and wanna grab them and shake them and yell ‘stay here’!
But I can’t fix them and I am usually off in the other mental
‘direction’ running away. Talk about 2 people not connecting…

And where is this that I am going? It’s important to realize where
I am going. To anticipate something that may or may not happen
and to waste my mental energy on something that is so far away from
the beauty going on around me…

In therapy (going on 3 years) my therapist and I are keenly aware
of this running away and address it as it happens. She will let me go and
ask me where I am to understand where I go…but she also let’s me bring
myself back to get into the habit of fixing it myself. I know most of the

‘keys’ that result in me running off in my mind and have kinda been
able to learn to stay present most of the time. But even just writing this
passage, I find myself anticipating my morning, the day ahead,
this week! And so I stop and start breathing, recognizing what’s going on

and I’m back, but for how long?

Posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. RSS feed for this post. Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed.

Comments are closed.

Swedish Greys - a WordPress theme from Nordic Themepark.

ugg boots uk
cheap uggs uggs outlet cheap jerseys